A hearty laugh gives one a dry cleaning, while a good cry is a wet wash. -Puzant Kevork Thomajan
I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want --an adorable pancreas? Kerr, Jean
Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. -Brooke Shields
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. -Rich Cook
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. -Dave Barry
We the willing, following the unknowing are doing the impossible. We have done so much for so long with so little that we are now able to do anything with nothing. -Anonymous
Complaining is good for you as long as you're not complaining to the person you're complaining about. -Lynn Johnston
If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure. - George W. Bush
If I'd known I was going to live so long, I'd have taken better care of myself. -Leon Eldred
Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you. -Langston Hughes
He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamposts: for support rather than illumination. -Andrew Lang
If you have wit, use it to please and not to hurt: you may shine like the sun in the temperate zones without scorching. -Lord Chesterfield
I realize that humor isn't for everyone. It's only for people who want to have fun, enjoy life, and feel alive. -Anne Wilson Schaef
Humor is that which most efficiently recognizes that we are living in an imperfect world, with imperfect arguments and things that are insane, illogical, and irrational. And the only way we can live with that fact is to laugh. -J. Barsoux
Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is. -Francis Bacon
Try praising your wife, even if it does frighten her at first. -Billy Sunday
If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers. -Anon
It takes a lot of experience for a girl to kiss like a beginner. -Ladies Home Journal
When I want to end a relationship I just say, 'You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children.' Sometimes they leave skid marks. -Rita Rudner
There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened. -Mary Kay Ash
Only a fool expects to be happy all the time. -Robertson Davies
I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it. -Edith Sitwell
Make crime pay, become a lawyer. -Will Rogers
The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his. - General George Patton
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone. -Al Capone
A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs, jolted by every pebble in the road. -Henry Ward Beecher
I dont want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it by not dying. -Woody Allen
In order to keep a true perspective of ones importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him. - Dereke Bruce
Seven days without laughter make one weak. - Joel Goodman
I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead. -Samuel Goldwyn
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